Suddenly Numb

Kyle's a very sick little boy?  What does that mean?  It must be a really bad viral infection, or something, for Kyle's doctor to have said something like that.  But, in a moment's time, her words changed our world...forever.  She said something that my brain wouldn't process, or accept, from the instant it heard it.

Although I heard the words, I still heard nothing at all.  As I listened, without the slightest of feelings, Dr. Dziok cried, as she said things about Kyle's blood, his kidney and his spleen.  I was always an intelligent person.  But, that conversation would never have indicated anything like that.  I didn't get it.  I couldn't get it.  It would have hurt to much if I did.  So, I didn't.  My head knew what my heart couldn't handle.  I had become suddenly numb.

As Dr. Dziok continued to speak, and explain, I heard nothing.  All I understood was that she was going to have Kyle moved to Children's Memorial Hospital, because she felt Kyle would have the best doctors, and the best treatment, there.  Even though I already thought he had the best doctor, and care, just where we were.  Why was she doing all of this for a bad virus?  But, I trusted Dr. Dziok.  She must have a reason for doing what she was doing.  So, I just went along with whatever came next.

So, after Dr. Dziok was done telling me everything she thought I needed to know, we both left the room. She continued to cry, as she hugged me, as I was completely without emotion.  Then, I saw my Sister, who stood across the hall from me, likely waiting to know what was going on with Kyle.  As I moved over to her, I saw Kyle, my Dad and my Brother-In-Law, in the reflection of the glass, of Kyle's hospital room.  And, as I told my Sister what Dr. Dziok had just told me, I repeated all kinds of information that Dr. Dziok must have told me.  It all just came out of my mouth.  And, as it came out, so did the meaning.  Suddenly, I felt like I knew what was going on.  As I said the words "cancer" and "leukemia", to my sister, my heart hurt worse than anything I could ever have imagined.  And, the sudden pain, flowing tears and heaving sobs, all met...with no way to stop any of it, from that moment on.  And, as I was feeling what were the worse feelings of my life, I saw my Dad's, and Brother-In-Law's heads, both drop to what seemed like the ground, while my sister, and I, fell into each other's arms.  It was at that moment that I finally understood, again, what cancer, and leukemia meant, just like I had known before Dr. Dziok used those words.  And, from that day, I was surely not numb, anymore!